"What is stuff? Well, it's better than shit, but not as good as loot." - Tribebook: Bone Gnawers

For the time being, this contains only joke cards. More STUFF will be added later.

"I Will Hug Him And Squeeze Him And Call Him George!"
ACT: Tack your Captain and target a pet in this Sea. If your Captain can attach the Pet, then he does so. If your Captain can't, discard the Pet.
"Bring me that mongrel!" - Captain Necros


Four-Twenty
12 INF / 6 CANN
ACT: Tack all Crew and Attachments in play. This card's cost is reduced by 3 if Allende is your Captain.
"I KNEW they had to have some kind of cash-crop on La Bucca!" - The General


You Can't Touch This!
Adventuring 2 Knack
CAPTAIN ATTACHMENT
Draw two cards whenever this crew begins a Boarding Attack.
"I can take him." - Enrique Orduno, shortly before losing ever-so-slightly to Torvo Espada


Reis' Paddle
2 INF
CRIMSON ROGER CAPTAIN ATTACHMENT * UNIQUE
REACT: Tack when one of your crew is tacking to produce skill points. That
crew produces one extra skill point.
"Um, Cap'n? I think it'd work better if you flogged'em." - Riant Gaucher


Guy's Pet Rock
1 INF
EXPLORERS CAPTAIN ATTACHMENT * PET * UNIQUE
ACT: Tack and discard to inflict 1 Hit on a ship in this Sea.
"Hey! I don't cast aspersions on your pets, Reis!" - Guy McCormick


Fadil
5 ADV
CORSAIRS CAPTAIN ATTACHMENT * PET * UNIQUE
REACT: Tack Fadil when your Captain tacks. Draw and discard the top card of your deck. If it's a Thrust or Dagger, untack your Captain.
"Damned if I know why the 'Din has a parakeet. Doubly damned if I know why
he lets it peck on his ear all the time." - Imshi


Puff Daddy
10 INF
LA BOCA ATTACHMENT
ACT: Tack Puff Daddy. If there is a Chantey play, sink it.
"Has he ever made a song of his own?" - One of my friends


We Will Rock You!
4 SWASH / 5 SWASH
Any player may sink this Chantey by putting the Fugees into play. All Crew inflict 2 extra Hits during Boardings.
"You've got mud on your face..." - Wilhelm Dunst


A Couple Guys With The Middle Name "The"
4 INF
FORBIDDEN SEA ATTACHMENT
REACT: Tack when a player is cancelling one of your actions and pay 6 Influence. If that player is in the Forbidden Sea, they suffer 5 Hits.
"You know, Johnny The Shark, Jimmy The Squirrel..." - Robin Williams


Ted Turner
11 ADV
TRADE SEA ATTACHMENT * UNIQUE * CONTROL * You must be in the Trade Sea to play this card.
ACT: Tack Ted Turner to buy another Sea Attachment in play and take control of it. Sink it to make a made-for-TV movie about and produce 4 Influence.
ACT: Tack to get another Control Card from your deck.


"Shoot at their Feet!"
REACT: Tack one of your Crew with a Pistol attached instead of performing a
Boarding Attack. Tack an opposing Crew in the Boarding.
"Dance, bitch!" - Riant Gaucher


Not What You Think
5 ADV
REACT: Play this card when an opponent tries to guess what you're going to play next. Put one Crew or Sea Attachment from your hand into play. If
it's the guessed card, sink it immediately afterwards.
"Like, people are so down on us mermaids. We're like, so totally not the
stereotype. Yeah, we eat the occasional sailor, but that's to keep our
protein levels up -- you can only eat tofu for so long. Do you think my
roots are showing too much, or should I dye it again?" - Tiffany, one of
Reis' Brides


"We Can Dance If We Want To!"
1 ADV / 3 ADV
ACT: Tack one of your Gosse or Brotherhood Crew with at least 2 Swashbuckling to produce 3 Influence.
"'Cause your friends don't dance and if they don't dance
They're no friends of mine!" - Peter Silver


The Better Part of Pallor
5 ADV
ACT: All players with Black Freighter Captains may go through their decks and remove one non-Skeletal crew, and add that Crew to their hand. Those players then shuffle their decks.
"You know, she had a much better complexion now that she's dead..." - Espera, confessed necrophiliac


Derailed
5 SAIL
ACT: Play when more than one player reacts to a player inflicting hits. Get a Control card from your deck and attach it to the sea either of those ships are in. Shuffle your deck.
"They were too busy betraying one another, so the Capital V and I set up shop here while they weren't looking." - Allende the Mighty


She's Gone...
ACT: Tack Espera or Guy McCormick.
"Ah, come now...she's in a better pla-" - Inil to Espera, before he realized what he was saying.


Something Really Stupid
ACT: Tack a Sea Dogs Captain.
"I calculated the odds of success vs. the odds I was doing something really stupid...and I went ahead and did it anyway." - Crow T. Robot


It's Stuck!
ACT: Tack and Reis card in play.
"Well, the good news is that the mast is intact, the bad news is that the Captain is going to kill someone once an hour until someone can get his scythe out of the mast." - Natalia Ivanova


Tripped on the Cloak
ACT: Tack Enrique Orduno.
"Hold, I think I've found him!" called Botas Rojas. "No wait, it's just another fold of the cloak."


In It For The Guilders
ACT: Tack the General.
"I think someone whould check on the General. He's been locked up in his quarters with the Shopping Channel for the last two days." - Rosamonde du Montaigne


Someone Thinks The Brotherhood Is Good
ACT: Untack Allende.
"Cripes, do I have to do all the work around here?"


A Quarter-Second of Remorse
ACT: Tack Kheired-Din.
"Should I be merciful? No...well...No."


Senility
ACT: Tack Philip Gosse.
Philip Gosse: "Now my boys, let's get ready to give them...give them..."
Andre Braudel: "Hell, sir?"
Philip Gosse: "Yeah, that's it! Let's get ready to give them Hell!"


She Has a Hat?
REACT: Tack a Celedoine you control. Cancel an action other than a Boarding Attack being played during a Boarding.
"I never got that far."


Going Postal
REACT: Cancel an action targeting Gerald Hohne.
"HGFGHFDDHGGHDHDHDGGGHFGDHD!" - Gerald Hohne


Yoritomo
12 INF
MIRROR ATTACHMENT
ACT: Tack to inflict a 10-Hit Boarding Attack on any ship in this sea.
"Surely this Necros is a minion of the Shadowlands. He will taste the
holy justice my warsickles straight up his arse!" - Yoritomo


Groan
3 INF
ACT: Tack any card with a pun printed on it.
"Will someone poke Mortis and make sure he's still undead?" - Victor of
Luthon


Syrneth User's Manual
4 Seas Away
ACT: Tack 5 Adventuring (7 if you know how to pronounce Syrneth).
CREW ATTACHMENT * ITEM: Tack to get a Syrneth Adventure from your deck
and play it as though it were just played. Attach Syrneth User's Manual
to any Sea.
"Okay, we got the powder. How do we use it?" - Joern Keitelsson
"Hold on, the instructions are around here somewhere..." - Riant Gaucher


Refugees
5 ADV
TRADE SEA ATTACHMENT * CONTROL
ACT: Tack to inflict a 2-Hit Cannon Attack on any Ship in this Sea.
ACT: Tack to get a Control from your deck and add it to your hand.
Shuffle your deck.
"These strangers are very peculiar. Many of them speak a dialect of
Avalonian descent, I hear. Some of them are called Law Dogs and are
perfectly happy to sail with Bonnie. The Blackjacks seem at home on
Reis' ship. Even the peculiar creatures called 'The Collegium' get
along with McCormick." - Julius Caligari


Urza's Hydrofoil
Unaligned Ship
Move Cost: 3
Crew Maximum: 10
ACT: Tack to pay the full Adventuring cost of any nonunique Artifact
Adventure.
REACT: Tack before performing action to more this ship to an adjacent
Sea.


The League of 'Din-Haters
8 SWASH
FORBIDDEN SEA ATTACHMENT
REACT: Tack when Thomas Kohler says something to tell him to shut up.
"If you smelllllll-"
"SHUT UP!"


Fresh Newspaper
ACT: Tack Mr. Briggs.
"They surrender. What do you think we should do, Mr. Briggs?"
Mr. Briggs only stared plaintively before finishing his business.
"You heard him, boys. Drop your breeches."


Really Big Rat
ACT: Tack any Asprey or Belit in play.
"UNLEASH THE FURY!" - Tom Green


"Got Your Nose!"
REACT: Sink a non-Captain crew that has targeted Reis since last turn.
"Come on, Captain, it's just a joke!" - Mark Scars' last words


"You Killed My Father..."
ACT: Tack Torvo Espada.
"Let it rest, guys." - Anonymous lurker


It's Not Broken Anymore
ACT: Sink all Fine Galleys in play.
ACT: Sink Torvo Espada.
REACT: Cancel and sink Betrayal.
"Make sure you make it a common, too." - Erik Yaple


Pointless Storyline Question
ACT: Tack any card with more flavor text than game text.
"So, if Reis and Celedoine were to somehow to have a child, what do you think he/she would be like?" - The Naughty Vesten, directly before being forcefully unsubscribed.


Ship Full of Cute Redheads
EXPLORER CAPTAIN ATTACHMENT
LETTER OF MARQUE * UNIQUE
REACT: Tack to remove the Loyal Trait from a cute redhead and pay the Influence cost to hire her.
"I don't care if it involves eight hours a day of digging. That means some of the crew will need massages afterwards." And then the Naughty Vesten simply grinned.


Either Oar
Corsairs Crew
Cost: 4
Cannon: 0
Sailing: 4
Adventuring: 0
Influence: 0
Swashbuckling: 2
Unique * Rower * Either Oar has +3 Swashbuckling and +3 Sailing when he has an Oar attached.
"Damned if I know why, but he seems to enjoy screaming 'KABONG!' whenever he hits someone with that thing." - Edahgo


Disco Inferno
5 ADV
ACT: Untack all Captains.
"I will survive!" - Yngvild Olafsdottir


Use the Force(tm)
7 SAIL
ACT: Go through your deck for a Glamour, Porte, Fate, Fear, or Pyrerym Knack and add it to your hand. Shuffle your deck.
"All well and good, Alesio," Allende said, shaking his head. "But I'm afraid we can't take you to Dagobah so you can complete your training. We don't even know where it is."


Syrneth Rollerskates
1 Sea Away
ACT: Tack 4 Adventuring (3 if in the Forbidden Sea).
Crew Attachment * Item * May not be attached to Captives, Topmen, or Rowers * Whenever this Crew tacks to produce skill points, draw and discard the top card of your deck. If it's a Slash, Dagger, or Thrust, this crew produces an additional point of that skill. If it's a Punch, your ship suffers two hits.
"Everything was going fine until Red finally got sick of Hoskuld wearing
those things all the time." - Thordis Bjerregard.


"This Is My BOOMSTICK!"
2 ADV
REACT: Play instead of performing a Boarding Attack. Go through your deck for a Musket, and attach it to one of your untacked Crew, paying all costs.
"Amazing how he never has to reload the damn thing..." - Martin Tytus


The Kire Has Spoken
REACT: Inflict 5 Hits on any ship controlled by a player who just attempted an Action no longer legal because of errata, Most Recent Printing, or a ruling.
"All right guys, the intent behind this card was..." - The start of way
too many e-mails


The Naughy Vesten
Vesten Crew
Cost: 6
Cannon: 3
Sailing: 0
Adventuring: 5
Influence: 0
Swashbuckling: 3
Unique * Naughty * The Naughty Trait counts as both Heroic and
Villianous for the purpose of playing actions.
ACT: Tack to whine about your lack of card base.
ACT: Tack to complain about how much the Vesten suck.
ACT: Tack to make fun of something.
"Why do we have HIM along?" - Red Thorfild


"Bring It!"
ACT: If your Captain has more attachments than the rest of your Crew combined, he gains +5 Swashbuckling until the end of this turn.
"The 'Din says..." - Kheired-Din's theme music


"How Do I Move?"
1 ADV
ACT: Target a Crew with more attachments than printed Swashbuckling. Tack that Crew, and that Crew may not untack next turn.
"Damn but this guy's casket is heavy. Who was Mordekei, again?"


Cleft In Twain
REACT: Play when you inflict hits during a Boarding Attack. If you deal more than 12 hits, you may go through your deck for any Hull Damage card and attach it to your opponent's ship. Shuffle your deck.
"That's the first time I've ever seen anyone cut a divot in the deck." -
Inil, after being narrowly missed by Torvo Espada


Slap Your Face Off
REACT: Play instead of a playing a card for a Boarding Attack if the Crew you push forward only has 1 Swashbuckling. This creates a Punch Boarding Attack that may not be reversed.
"Take that, saucy knave!" - Rosamond du Montaigne


Pickle Barrel to the Head
REACT: Play instead of playing a card for a Boarding Attack if the Crew you push forward to defend has at least 4 Swashbuckling but no Swordsman bonus. Discard this Crew and the opposing Crew.
"Heck, I was thinking of skewering him. But if knocking him goofy with a barrel works, then it works."


It's Not The Craw!
2 SWASH
ACT: Sink any Panzerhand or Hand attachment in this Sea.
"It's the Claw! THE CLAW!" - The Claw


Puffy Shirt
2 INF
CREW ATTACHMENT
+1 Influence
"Yeah, it looks kind of strange. But the ladies love it."


He Shoots! He Scores!
1 SWASH
REACT: Play when a single Crew tacks to produce more than 5 Cannon. This card attached to that Crew and gives that Crew +2 Influence.


Men In Tights
10 ADV
Heroic Captain Attachment
ACT: Sink Men in Tights to pay the full Influence cost of any Crew pictured wearing any form-fitting clothes.
"WE'RE BUTCH!" - The Merry Men


Sisterhood of the Coast
REACT: Play when a player assumes a Crew is male in reference to a hypothetical situation. Slap him.
"I have rights, too!" - Gillian the Razor


The Vesten Braiders
REACT: Reduce the cost of any Crew with a braid pictured on their art by 3.
"I'm working on getting dreads." - Thordis Bjerregard


Gosse's Disgruntledmen
REACT: Bow one of your Fine Galleys when a Crew is becoming tacked from performing an action. Untack that crew after the action resolves (if it resolves).
"Where's my dinner?" - Martin Tytus


The Crimson Dodgers
REACT: Play when you tack a Crimson Roger Crew to absorb hits. That
Crew absorbs 5 extra hits.
"Whoa! That one almost hit me!" - Samuel Smitts


The Sea Frogs
REACT: Play when hiring a Montainge Crew. They are also considered to be Sea Dogs crew while on your ship.
"Where am I supposed to be, again?" - Timothy le Beau


Cut His Belt
REACT: Tack when you inflict hits during a Boarding Attack. If the opposing Crew would have to sink to absorb the hits, instead reduce the hits to zero and subtract one from all of the Crew's skills personally.
"Funny, I always figured Berek for a boxers man, myself." - Reis


Wrong Boat
5 ADV/5 ADV
REACT: Play after a Boarding ends. Switch one Crew without the No Attachments trait you pushed forward with a Crew your opponent pushed forward at some point during the Boarding. These Crew both lose the Loyal trait.
"Um, okay...hey, Reis, you need a strega?" - Alesio


Hit'em With a Shovel!
REACT: Play instead of performing a Boarding Attack. Target one of your Explorers Crew. That Crew now inflicts 4 extra hits until the end of this turn.
"Hand me my spade, Rose." - Vincent Calloway


Loose Plank
REACT: Play instead of performing a Boarding Attack. Tack one your crew to tack an opposing Crew with less Adventuring.
"I knew I left that board loose for a reason." - William Dunn


Where's the Powder Roon?
3 CAN
ACT: Tack a crew with 0 Cannon.
"So after I light the fuse, then what do I do?"


Where's the Crow's Nest?
3 SAIL
ACT: Tack a crew with 0 Sailing.
"No way. I am NOT going up there."


Hey, I'm Here For The Guilders!
3 ADV
ACT: Tack a crew with 0 Adventuring.
"I can't go in the jungle. It's icky."


When Do We Get Paid?
3 INF
ACT: Tack a crew with 0 Influence.
"This sucks. Where're my guilders?"


The Pointy End Goes In The Other Man
3 SWASH
ACT: Tack a crew with only 1 Swashbuckling.
"Phallic objects, the lot of them..." - Rosamunde du Montaigne